Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is serious or repeated injury caused by a person who has family ties or a sexual relationship with the victim. The threat of physical or sexual assault is used to dominate, hurt and control the victim – and 95 percent of the victims of domestic violence are women. About 3 to 4 million American women are battered yearly by their partners or husbands. In fact, an American woman is more likely to be assaulted or killed by her husband or partner than any other attacker.

Potential indicators
You may suspect that someone you care about is being abused by a male partner. Here’s a quick list of ways to recognize a potential batterer:

• Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can include humiliation, continuous insults and mind games. In short, it’s anything he does to make her feel unworthy, unwanted and lower her self-esteem.
• Using finances to control her. Batterers commonly prevent their partners from getting a job or doing anything to gain financial independence. They may give her an allowance, take her money or be secretive about family finances.
• Involving children in the abuse. He may threaten to take the children away, force them to be “message bearers” or use them to make her feel guilty.
• Isolating her. He may limit her access to friends and family, require that she return home at a certain hour or dictate what she reads and where she goes.
• Using threats. Batterers may make and carry out threats to hurt her, threaten to leave or commit suicide, force her to drop charges or do illegal things.
• Minimizing and blaming. Batterers make light of the abuse and don’t take anyone’s concerns about it seriously. They may say that she “caused it,” “it’s her fault” or claim it didn’t happen.

Typically, violence escalates – many batterers start with verbal abuse, hitting or throwing objects and making threats, progressing to pushing or restraining. Then, the batterer starts to physically hurt his partner by slapping, pinching or kicking her – finally, he chokes her, beats her with objects or threatens her with weapons.

There’s a recognized cycle of violence, once physical abuse has begun:

• The tension-building phase. Tension builds through a series of small conflicts between the woman and her partner. Such conflicts can be anything the couple doesn’t agree on – anything from major disagreements about money to minor issues, such as a meal she has prepared that he doesn’t like.
• The violent phase. The batterer releases the built-up tension by assaulting his partner. He may beat, kick, shove, slap or even rape her.
• The loving phase. After the beating is over, the batterer feels guilty about what he has done and becomes especially loving toward his partner. He may promise that he’ll never hurt her again – and honestly mean it. But without professional counseling, it’s highly unlikely he’ll be able to keep his promise.

Getting help
For help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 TDD. One call summons immediate help, in English or in Spanish, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Hotline staff members are trained to help the victims of domestic violence, their friends and families and batterers who want to change. Here are some of the services available through the hotline:

• Crisis intervention. They’ll help you make plans to ensure safety, including ways to leave.
• Information. You can get more information about domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, intervention programs for batterers, the criminal justice system and more.
• Referrals. You can find out about nearby shelters and programs for battered women, social service agencies, legal programs and other organizations that offer help.