How to Talk to Your Kids About: Alcohol and Drugs

Published: Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The issue of drugs can be very confusing to children. If drugs are bad, why is the family medicine cabinet full of them? And why do TV, movies, music and advertising often make drug and alcohol use look so cool? It is important to help our kids distinguish fact from fiction. And it's not too soon to begin. National studies show that the average age when a child first tries alcohol is 11; for marijuana, it's 12. And many kids start becoming curious about these substances even sooner.

Parents need to be listening very carefully. Student surveys reveal that when parents listen to their children's feelings and concerns, their children feel more comfortable talking with them and are more likely to listen to you as a parent.

Role playing is a key act to help your child handle many different situations. Try something such as this, "Let's play a game. Suppose you and your friends are at Andy's house after school and they find some beer in the refrigerator and ask you to join them in drinking it. The rule in our family is that children are not allowed to drink alcohol. So what could you say?" If your child comes up with a good response, praise him. If he doesn't, offer a few suggestions such as, "No, thanks. Let's play with Sony PlayStation instead," or "No thanks. I don't drink beer. I need to keep in shape for basketball.”

Make sure the information that you offer fits the child's age and stage. When your six or seven-year-old is brushing his teeth, you can say, "There are lots of things we do to keep our bodies healthy, such as brushing our teeth. But there also are things we shouldn't do because they hurt our bodies, such as smoking or taking medicines when we are not sick."

If you are watching TV with your eight-year-old and marijuana is mentioned on a program, you can say, "Do you know what marijuana is? It's a bad drug that can hurt your body." If your child has more questions, answer them. If not, let it go. Short, simple comments said and repeated often enough will get the message across.

You can offer your older child the same message, but add more drug-specific information. For example, you might explain to your 12-year-old what marijuana and crack look like, their street names and how they can affect his body.

It's okay to say, "We don't allow any drug use, and children in this family are not allowed to drink alcohol. The only time that you can take any drugs is when the doctor or Mom or Dad gives you medicine when you're sick. We made this rule because we love you very much, and we know that drugs can hurt your body and make you very sick; some may even kill you. Do you have any questions?"

Children will do what you do much more readily than what you say. So try not to reach for a beer the minute you come home after a tough day; it sends the message that drinking is the best way to unwind. Offer dinner guests non-alcoholic drinks in addition to wine and spirits. Try not to pop pills, even over-the-counter remedies, indiscriminately. Your behavior needs to reflect your beliefs.

Since peer pressure is so important when it comes to kids' involvement with drugs and alcohol, it makes good sense to talk with your children about what makes a good friend. To an eight-year-old you might say, "A good friend is someone who enjoys the same games and activities that you do and who is fun to be around." 11 to 12-year-olds can understand that a friend is someone who shares their values and experiences, respects their decisions and listens to their feelings. Once you've gotten these concepts across, your children will understand that "friends" who pressure them to drink or smoke pot aren't friends at all. Additionally, encouraging skills such as sharing and cooperation—and strong involvement in fun, healthful activities (such as team sports or scouting)—will help your children make and maintain good friendships as they mature, and increase the chance that they'll remain drug-free.

As parents, we can do many things to enhance our children's self-image. Here are some pointers.

Offer lots of praise for any job well done.
If you need to criticize your child, talk about the action, not the person. If your son gets a math problem wrong, it's better to say, "I think you added wrong. Let's try again."
Assign do-able chores. A six-year-old can bring her plate over to the sink after dinner; a 12-year-old can feed and walk the dog after school. Performing such duties and being praised for them helps your child feel good about himself.
Spend one-on-one time with your youngster. Setting aside at least 15 uninterrupted minutes per child per day to talk, play a game or take a walk together, lets him know you care.
Say, "I love you." Nothing will make your child feel better.

Information and lessons about drugs are important enough to repeat frequently. So be sure to answer your children's questions as often as they ask them to initiate conversation whenever the opportunity arises.

While kids under age 12 rarely develop a substance problem, it can—and does—happen. If your child becomes withdrawn, loses weight, starts doing poorly in school, turns extremely moody, has glassy eyes or if the drugs in your medicine cabinet seem to be disappearing too quickly, talk with your child and call the child’s doctor. You'll be helping your youngster to a healthier, happier future.

Click here for additional drug information.

For more information, visit the Center for Women & Children’s Health.

UT Medical Center

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How to Talk to Your Kids About: Alcohol and Drugs